明明答案喺自己度,點解我係咁問點解?

Photo by Gabriel Crismariu on Unsplash

2020年送畀自己最大嘅禮物,一定係我終於去見番counsellor。

我知答案喺自己度,但係同好多身邊人傾過之後,我搵唔番自己,所以決定行番入個counselling room。有趣嘅係,每個session我哋都explore好多點解,估唔到自己真係答到喎!但係我個counsellor成日問:

你個sensible mind係咁諗,但係emotionally呢?

問好多點解,係自己真係唔知,定係未接受到?最大2020年進步一定係學習接受自己嘅情緒同感受,含淚講完「我真係恭喜你」之後要喊番出嚟;接受自己當下嘅狀態,未ready就未ready;接受人生就係有好多未知之數,因為變幻原是永恆;接受自己會淆底,因為fear本身就係天生防禦機制一部分。

人生好多困難,原來都係mental。究竟同你講緊嘢嗰個係你嘅defence mechanism定係真正嘅自己?如何放下對自己嘅批判,如何reconcile係一個會無限輪迴嘅人生課題。咁今年都係一個好時機去學習咗依個畢生受用嘅tools。

Q: 點解要花錢花時間去counselling?
A: Mind and body。點解唔invest喺自己嘅mental health同emotional health?正如去做gym強身健體,唔代表本身有病,只係想再fit啲。

之前覺得自己好erratic,但係其實所有興趣、決定都一脈相承,好consistent。雖然我唔似Dana Scully咁係一個FBI醫生去investigate外星人,但係我依家都用緊scientific嘅方法去investigate自己。

就好似砌puzzle咁,之前我見到嘅係一塊塊散開晒嘅puzzle,依家我砌好咗幅畫。

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Full-time dreamer, part-time armchair psychologist. They/She.

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Vivien Lee

Vivien Lee

Full-time dreamer, part-time armchair psychologist. They/She.

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