When you hear somebody say somebody hits like a girl How does that hit you? Is that such a bad thing? -Female, Keith Urban I took a class in Historical European Martial Arts (HEMA) some weeks ago. After a few classes, one of my classmates asked: 依度成班麻甩佬，有冇覺得好唔慣？ Do you feel…

某天中午在Art Centre買咖啡，遇上了在擺檔的音樂人。「一曲奇遇」，大概和音樂和曲奇有關，配上手中的熱咖啡，沒多想就坐下。 駐場的artist邀請我寫下一件煩惱的事 — 「原來我熟悉的人很陌生」。近來一而再、再而三發現認識十幾廿年的朋友很陌生，或許感覺大家還算close，但其實是you know nothing, Jon Snow。 「朋友好值得好好珍惜，好難再用十幾年建立友誼。」 所言甚是。雖然不時提醒自己不要太多批判，但條件反射，心裏還是笑言：「少年你太年輕了。」 十年後你便會明白「為何舊知己到最後變不到老友」。 性格會轉變，價值觀會轉變，可能在朋友心目中也同樣有疑惑： 「點解依條友變成咁？」 又或者，其實我從來都不很了解他們。 最後，少年問：「你係咪fresh grad？」 不禁想，經歷過人情世故的歷煉，究竟是把人生看得更透徹，還是心存更多雜念？ ==== 感謝Heyson的一首創作作品，實實在在的感動了我，還有即場用laser畫的曲奇，慢慢咀嚼，吞下肚子，就讓煩惱消化。

收到不少congratulations ，多謝 人生有好多嘢要講「我真係恭喜你」-畢業、升職、結婚生仔、買樓買車、移民，因為依啲人生大事一定係好開心嘅。好似係。 離開一個赴過湯、蹈過火嘅地方其實有好多grief，but we don’t talk about it, no? 去新嘅地方同我嘅夢想接近咗？唔覺。 一定明天會更好？唔知。 有excitement都係因為有expectation，即係件事未發生已經make咗judgement. 其實就唔係幾open-minded. 我只係平常心，curious當下嘅自己去到新嘅環境會係點，無論前程似錦，定係前程似咁，都係一個人生經驗。 Keep the expectations low but the standards high. 所以呢，其實都冇咩好congratulate，但我明白大家係想祝我all the best。

Adulting makes us lose faith in humanity. Jane Austen says: The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of…

Please don’t congratulate me. At least not all the time. We are taught to congratulate people on which socially deem as celebratory events, such as getting pregnant, starting a new job, your birthdays, etc. That is what nice people do you would think. You are socially inept if you do…

25 Day Big Talk Challenge inspired by @introvertdoodles Flaws, inconsistency, empathy. Without these, we are all just mannequins. 1. Flaws All of us have a unique combination of flaws. But we grow up in a society which tells us to be perfect in every possible way and has minimal tolerance…

2020年送畀自己最大嘅禮物，一定係我終於去見番counsellor。 我知答案喺自己度，但係同好多身邊人傾過之後，我搵唔番自己，所以決定行番入個counselling room。有趣嘅係，每個session我哋都explore好多點解，估唔到自己真係答到喎！但係我個counsellor成日問： 你個sensible mind係咁諗，但係emotionally呢？ 問好多點解，係自己真係唔知，定係未接受到？最大2020年進步一定係學習接受自己嘅情緒同感受，含淚講完「我真係恭喜你」之後要喊番出嚟；接受自己當下嘅狀態，未ready就未ready；接受人生就係有好多未知之數，因為變幻原是永恆；接受自己會淆底，因為fear本身就係天生防禦機制一部分。 人生好多困難，原來都係mental。究竟同你講緊嘢嗰個係你嘅defence mechanism定係真正嘅自己？如何放下對自己嘅批判，如何reconcile係一個會無限輪迴嘅人生課題。咁今年都係一個好時機去學習咗依個畢生受用嘅tools。

I’m focusing on the things I do right now because winning is just an effect of my work that I’m doing every minute. — Iga Świątek 然今年大部分時間冇得打網球，但係當然有睇法網，成個比賽最深刻嘅quote係上面依句。Winning is just an effect。 成日都講goal setting，最鍾意問你覺得5年後你會喺邊，講好多future，但係當下要點做呢？ 有時又會跌落一個誤區，用present去想像自己嘅future。點解唔係去諗吓你想要咩future，然後就努力改變你嘅present，令到你可以achieve到想要嘅future？ 人又好鍾意想當年，hindsight或者會畀到insight你，但用今日嘅自己去judge舊日嘅決定，fair唔fair先？

寫寫吓review嘅時候諗起F.7 last day，我們最喜愛的老師Tony Sir送咗一首《紅綠燈》畀大家，坦白講唔係好記得佢當時講嘅嘢，但係我記得佢話會做大家嘅綠燈，同埋大家聽到好感動。1x年後聽返首歌，完全hit中自己嘅心理陰暗面。 右與左 必須清楚看真 哪管一次做錯 也都可摧毀這生 … 我怎可以做過 最優秀路上行人 上年寫年度review，另一篇文係講fear of failure。由細到大都好努力去做「最優秀路上行人」，唔係最叻，但都幾叻；一人一體藝、一個制服團體嗰啲我好細個就已經做緊，好似好知自己做緊乜。 諗返起自己細個想做嘅嘢都有唔少，細個想做發明家，大個想做trainer、paramedic、CSI、pharmacist、museum tour guide、barista, etc.，不過冇一樣嘢叫communications。大學嗰時去過shadow某大機構PR，結論係我勉強都可以接受到嘅。